Thursday, January 21, 2010

If you like it then you should...

I've been wanting to put something together lately about my rings. Specifically my engagement and wedding rings. Which I've now not worn for two or three weeks. Something about how I'd worn them so long that there's still a mark on that digit, extension of my love line. A scar, an indentation, a muscle memory knitting of the skin cells. Lotion will not heal it - only time. When my body forgets how to be married. Or at least devoted. Is this a scar that new people I meet will notice? Should I wrap a band-aid around it to draw more attention to it? Or help it heal?

Will it last as long as my self-imposed "time out" period, a resolution I still keep mostly because of the inconvenience of time-space? Another month? Another year? Somewhere in between - a miraculous healing at the moment of my sister's wedding vows this summer? She looks better in my dress than I did. Not to say I wasn't gorgeous, of course - I was just the same color as the dress. :-)

I don't feel I'm pitying myself or trying to extrude sympathy from my readers. I'm doing better than I feel I should be (if there were an objective book to explain all this). I do have books to read, on marriage and divorce, waiting in my car and on my bedside table (a chair, actually). And I have books of literature, of love, of fantasy and science fiction as well. I have my friends, my family, my health. I recently earned a new degree. It doesn't qualify me for much else, but the experience and the relationships I've built have given me fuel to find a job I will love anywhere I want. I'm already designing meal plans, exercise routines, and locating potential new public libraries.

This is my potential for a Renaissance. Forgive but never forget. We'll see if the skin on my hands will be reborn too.

1 comment:

a.k.a. Mr. Jeff said...

I remember when I stopped wearing the ring from my first marriage. My skin didn't feel any different, but there was a visible tan line that seemed to take forever to fade. It took me a long time to stop wearing it, whereas my ex stopped wearing hers almost immediately. This might have something to do with the fact that she was already seeing someone else, but I digress. Be strong, you'll get through it in time.